Aside

Psychedelic Furs; TorchA thousand rainy days and ISpoke

30 Apr

Psychedelic Furs; Torch

A thousand rainy days and I

Spoke on tongues that talk of saints

Burned down days like cigarettes

For your hollow praise
Down the days that you forget

Count the pictures that you keep

Keep it, hide it all away

Let it never show

All of this and I regret

Not a day that I was sent
Celebrated and arose

For your vanity in vain

Framed the faces I applaud

All the same sad eyes
Write the world between the lines

I heard it all, I heard it spoke

Like a name I call my life

Let it never show

All of this, I now regret

Not a day that I was sent

Not a name that I might place

Not at my parade

In the four walls of my room

Standing where I wait

Others praised and I can’t come

Tore the pictures off my walls

There’s a secret that I keep

Let it never show
All of this, I now regret

Not a day that I was sent

All of this, I now regret

Not a name that I might place

Not at my parade

Framed the faces I applaud

All the same, all alone

Write the world between the lines

I heard it all, I heard it spoke

In the four walls of my room

I’m just feeling all alone

18 Apr

How does one find themselves amidst all this noise? Noise that ultimately is self-created. Finding a place of relative stillness and diving to the depths, that seems to be the challenge; and how in this journey of apparent solitude do we feel connected?

Distance does funny things when you feel it all the time. To KNOW that everything is one, everything is connected and to FEEL it are two very different things.

Its funny, painful and joyous to experience the simultaneous duality of this existence. We carry around so much, this burden is heavy with memories and the conditioning they create. I can feel alone, knowing that no one else can feel the richness of this weight and yet we are all collectively sharing it. Subjective AND objective; personal AND shared, and maybe that is something we can all take comfort in.

We can always choose a new path, break away from this luggage. We are never destined to repeat ourselves sometimes we just choose to without complete awareness of it and it’s hard to know you have until it seems too late;

BUT IT IS NEVER TOO LATE.

 

Ardha Chandra:

Looking up at the moon in its half full glory, growing against the lapis late evening sky I feel as if I could dissolve away into it forever. In that moment I do.

 

about a tree

10 Jul

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Image“Before the ocean was, or earth, or heaven,

Nature was all alike, a shapelessness,

Chaos, so called, all rude and lumpy matter,

Nothing but bulk, inert, in whose confusion

Discordant atoms warred: there was no sun

To light the universe; there was no moon

With slender silver crescents filling slowly;

No earth hung balanced in surrounding air;

No sea reached far along the fringe shore…

Air without light, substance forever changing,

forever at war: within a single body”

-Ovid, Metamorphoses

 

I Hear your voice

the wind hoists your message to my ears

Your song draws me near

I round a corner to see your beautiful face

Even from here I can feel your soft embrace

I lay at your feet in this moment, now

I lay at your feet for all eternity, forevermore

The shadows of your arms caress my face

I call up to your towers;

I love you

I run my hands through your soil

I whisper secrets into your roots

This matter is heavy

may i shed it off into you

So that you can be nourished and grow

It was always yours

My love let the wind fill your pleura

and exhale a song

Sing of all the times we’ve shared

in this moment for all eternity

Thank you

 

om

13 Mar

Om thank you, thank you

Om thank you, thank you

Om thank you, thank you

Breathe in, breathe out

Slowly sink into observation

Thoughts arise, thoughts dissolve

This mantra has weight and it bears down on my mind

Noticing, awareness, then it is lost

Breath in, breath out and return

Om thank you, thank you

Om thank you, thank you

Om thank you, thank you

Archetypes arise and dissolve within my mind

Millions of individual lives pass me by and I feel them all in my mind

The story continues in my mind

Notice this dream, awareness then it is lost

Breath in, breath out and return

Om thank you, thank you

Om thank you, thank you

Om thank you, thank you

Infinity exists within these words

I expand with every repetition

Billions of years pass by in an instant and I have lived them all, in these words

I melt into all of this within these words

I become the womb, all possibility within these words

I notice one moment, awareness, then it is lost

Breath in, breath out and return

Om thank you, thank you

Om thank you, thank you

Om thank you, thank you

I exhale this mantra to the ether

I inhale this mantra into the earth

Like waves crashing ashore my heart vibrates with gratitude

I reside here in this ever-expanding heart center

I  am center

Noticing, awareness then it is lost

Breath in, breath out and return

Om thank you, thank you

Om thank you, thank you

Om thank you, thank you

All is not lost as long as I can stay within this mantra

I expand and contract within this mantra

Time dissolves within this mantra

All is infinite within this mantra

Womb mother, force father, oceans churn within this mantra

Noticing, awareness, then it is lost

Breath in, breath out and return

Om thank you, thank you

Om thank you, thank you

Om thank you, thank you

Will I be able to hold onto this mantra forever?

Is it something I can contain?

If I let it go can I still sing it with my heart?

All is not lost within these words

I am forever grateful so within this moment I chant these words

Om thank you, thank you

Om thank you, thank you

Om thank you, thank you

Thank you Chad for sharing this with me, it is truly beautiful and I can’t stop listening to it.

It has been cloudy the past few nights, the constellations and celestial bodies have been hidden behind a mask of cleansing rain, but I can still feel them pushing and pulling on the waters within.

27 Feb

In case no one has realized I am not the greatest at taking pictures.

In other news I would like to share some insight from one of my yoga instructors, that yoga is the practice of death and the pranayama exercises are teaching us how to live with out breath. The goal of all of this is to be ready to dissolve.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and this electrified instrument of flesh seems so foreign to me, but the thought of anything without it is equally as foreign. I went to see Earth and Low Hums last night at the Highline, it was an awesome show, and if  drone is a type of music that resonates with you then you should check out these bands.

There are times when I am around large groups of people that I can imagine I am observing things from each person’s point of view. I am, have been and will be every emotion and thought that surrounds me, but also these imaginings are filtered through my own perspective and life experience. So how can it be that life plays itself out in repetition of archetypical roles and emotions and yet each experience remains unique for every individual in every moment of time, or is it?

I have decided I will work on listening more in the coming days and weeks.

Hummingbird

27 Jan

Yesterday I got the privilege of witnessing the Calypte Anna or Anna’s Hummingbird courtship dance. They fly up into the air and then dive bomb (sometimes reaching 60 mph) in front of the female, when they get really close to her they make a very loud chirping sound with their tail. At first I didn’t know what the sound was or where it was coming from (hummingbirds can be hard to spot sometimes because they move so fast and are so small). Then we saw the two of them, the female sitting on a branch allowing herself to be wooed and the male flying high in the sky and swooping with great speed and sound.

At that point it was established that we were looking at a pair of hummingbirds but I did not know how unique these guys were until the light hit them just right and the feathers on their head lit up a beautiful raspberry, tangerine color that was almost flourescent, it was stunning. Their heads look black until the light catches them just in the right spot and apparently the males line up the reflection of the light when they do their courtship dance so that their heads are glowing that color for the female they are enticing.

 

I feel really grateful to have witnessed that the other day and look at it as a very auspicious sign. Apparently the Northwest Coast Native people saw the hummingbird as a messenger of joy and it is a good sign to see one before a major event. Here is a story taken from Robert James Challenger’s book Eagle’s Reflections and other Northwest Coast Stories:

“It was a warm, spring day, summer was coming and the wild flowers were in full blossom. A young girl and her mother waded through the green grass, enjoying the bright colours. They stopped as Hummingbird joined them; bussing and darting from flower to flower.

The little creature fascinated the child. She asked, “why does such a tiny bird want to fly so fast? Why doesn’t it just stay at one flower instead of visiting every one?” Her mother sat down on a hill overlooking the field and said, “let me tell you the story of Hummingbird.”

Many years ago there was a fragrant flower that rose every spring to display her beautiful petals and bright colours for all the world’s creatures to enjoy. The people and animals waited anxiously each spring for this special flower to appear. On that day they knew the warm, kind rays of summer had arrived. Raven saw how much joy this flower brought to the world, so the next spring when it appeared, he transformed it into a tiny bird. The bird had the colours of the green spring grass and the flashing red of a setting sun. Raven gave the bird a special gift – to fly like sunlight flickering through tall trees. He also gave it a message to take to all the flowers. That’s why today we see Hummingbird buzzing from flower to flower, whispering a message. Hummingbird is thanking each flower for making our world a more beautiful place.

The mother looked at her child and said, “as you grow up, remember that like each flower, each person has gifts to give the world. In return that person will be thanked by the birds, animals and flowers for helping to make our world a better place for every one.” ”

Thank you

16 Jan

Wife’s name on a lovely gent for their anniversary

Salida, Colorado

Some flash I am working on

Sunset before the snow, Seattle

Last night there were conversations about earliest childhood memories, and I realized that I have fragments of memories from childhood but to know when they happened and in what order I would be at a loss. For some reason most of my memories involve looking out the car window from the backseat of my mom’s car. I know the memories that are the earliest because I remember sitting in my McDonalds booster seat. I can remember looking up at the clouds racing by in the sky and thinking how nice it would be to be the breeze, the air that carries those clouds, to exist everywhere and nowhere at once, and I remember the feeling that thought gave me, a feeling of home.

Someone asked me over the weekend if I could live anywhere where would I live? I find this a very hard question to answer because I don’t know if my words will make sense. I would like to live in a place that is indescribable, I would like to live in the clear light of reality, beyond, in the land of nowhere and nothing, behind the veils of existence, but I am already there, I just want to experience it, and at that moment when all is experienced I can say this much I will not be the me I am in this moment.

“Emptiness is no other than form; form is no other than emptiness.  In the same way, feeling perception, formation, and consciousness are emptiness.  Thus, Shariputra, all dharmas are emptiness.  There are no characteristics.  There is no birth and no cessation.  There is no impurity and no purity.  There is no decrease and no increase.  Therefore, Shariputra, in emptiness, there is no form, no feeling, no perception, no formation, no consciousness; no eye, no ear, no nose, no tongue, no body, no mind; no appearance, no sound, no smell, no taste, no touch, no dharmas; no eye dhatu up to no mind dhatu, no dhatu of dharmas, no mind consciousness dhatu; no ignorance, no end of ignorance up to no old age and death, no end of old age and death; no suffering, no origin of suffering, no cessation of suffering, no path, no wisdom, no attainment, and no nonattainment.  Therefore, Shariputra, since the bodhisattvas have no attainment, they abide by means of prajñaparamita.  Since there is no obscuration of mind, there is no fear.  They transcend falsity and attain complete nirvana.”

OM GATE GATE PARAGATE PARASAMGATE BODHI SVAHA

GONE, GONE, GONE BEYOND, GONE COMPLETELY BEYOND OH WHAT AN AWAKENING!

(Taken from the Tibetan buddhist heart sutra read it all here http://www.tibetanbuddhistaltar.org/heart-sutra/)